Tuesday, April 04, 2006

I'm back again.

I'm committed to not letting this blog die. But I'm going in a different direction.

I've got a new blog for politics, called Two Conservatives. So this will now be my personal blog.

Tonight I watched the Maryland Women's basketball team beat Duke 78-75 in overtime. I didn't get to watch either Florida game in the men's tournament, and I don't really care.

OK, that's not the directon I'm headed.

A monkey, a gerbil, and a squirrel are arguing over who should drive to the park. The monkey goes first:

"The choice is clear, my friends. I have hands and feet, which are necessary to steer the car and make it go and stop. You, young gerbil, are hardly large enough to make the peddle move, much less steer such a massive vehicle. And as for Mr. Squirrel here, he is more suited to powering the car than driving it, ha ha"

He sits smugly waiting for his comrades to concede his brilliant reposte.

After a brief silence, the gerbil gets up to speak.
"It is true, my fur-limbed friend, that you have appendages and I don't. And surely the pedals would be a task for my small frame. But have you forgotten so soon that we have fitted that car with automated controls, so that it may be powered by the touch of a button? And surely even you must concede that I am perfectly capable of pressing a switch, and nudging a lever. If that is all that matters, I should be the logical choice for the task."

And with that, he strutted back to his seat.

Finally, the squirrel rose in place on his hindquarters, and stared menacingly at his two companions.

"I have no limbs as you do, monkey-boy. And my wit is no match for fur-ball over there. But surely you must both see that I am the logical choice to drive the car. Which of you have had loved ones tragically taken by inconsiderate motorists? Do you have a stash of nuts hidden in a carbeurator somewhere I am not privy to? How, my little gerbil, would you make the steering wheel bend to your wishes, if you could push the buttons to power the car at all? No, it is clear that neither you, monkey, or you, gerbil, are suitable for the task of driving our car to the park. And if not you, then it must be me".

The monkey and the gerbil stared at the squirrel for some time. Then they stared at each other for a while. Finally, monkey got up his nerve, stood as tall has he could (for squirrel was still stretched high with the evil eye affixed upon them) and said, with a trembling voice,

"But that doesn't mamamaake any sense, Mr. Squirrel. What do nuts in the carbeurator have to do with driving a car?"

Gerbil, awakened from his fright by the boldness of monkey, chimed in "and how does having your mother made into a road pancake make you qualified to drive a car?"

Squirrel, realising his gambit had failed, ran toward the car in the hopes of driving off before the other two could respond and run catch him (for gerbils are remarkably quick for their size, and the monkey had an unfathomably quick gait). His move caught the other two by surprise, and for a moment they each did nothing more than stare as squirrel entered the road to cross to where the car was parked ...

And was promptly squashed by the 414 bus to 1st street.

Neither monkey nor gerbil could say a word for some time. Gerbil was the first to break the silence. "monkey, do you, do you, do you suppose"

"He's dead?" replied monkey. Are you trying to ask if he's dead?

"No", replied gerbil, "I was just wondering if we could just take turns driving. After all, it is such a long way to the park, and there's always the trip back".

"Sure", said the monkey, grinning. Because he would go first, and most suredly after the first block gerbil would be much too terrified to even THINK of moving from his seat to drive the car.